Red, White & Royal Blue is a rom-com based on the LGBT bestselling novel by Casey McQuiston. Nope, me neither, but the New York Times reviewed it as ‘a brilliant, wonderful book’ and on Amazon UK it has garnered nearly 44,000 reviews, with an average of 4.5 stars, so let’s not be hasty. The romance here is between ‘America’s First Son and the Prince of Wales’, says the blurb, which does sound juicy, and it’s not a YA (Young Adult) novel but an NA (New Adult) one, apparently, aimed at a slightly older audience. I did consider reading it so that I could say this isn’t as good as the book, as is standard in these instances, but then realised that as an OA (Old Adult) life is too (frighteningly) short and I couldn’t be bothered. But my best guess? Not as good as the book.

Directed by Matthew Lopez, who co-wrote the screenplay with McQuiston, the film wants, I think, to be a Bridgerton-type affair, with its voice-over (Jemma Redgrave) and snappy pace. But it doesn’t have the same wit or knowingness or budget. (The floristry is disappointing. The fake snow is poor. Rooms that are meant to be royal or presidential look like the Premier Inn, tarted up a bit, yet are still an improvement on Frogmore Cottage, a certain couple might say.) The two main characters are Prince Henry, the King’s second son – so not ‘the Prince of Wales’, surely?; isn’t that title exclusively for the heir? – and Alex Claremont-Diaz. They are played by Nicholas Galitzine and Taylor Zakhar Perez, who are both so devastatingly handsome and fit it made this OA’s day.

The film opens outside Buckingham Palace, with crowds thronging The Mall, as it’s the wedding day of Prince Henry’s older brother. Alex is a guest and, for historic reasons, Alex and Henry already hate each other. Alex is vulgar, says Henry. Henry is snobbish, says Alex. Their dislike results in a shove that topples the wedding cake and creates a scandal. Alex is ordered by his mother, America’s President (a surprisingly wooden Uma Thurman), to go make nice to Henry as ‘we have spent the last three years negotiating a trade deal with His Majesty’s government’ and now it is in danger. I’m not sure royals can affect trade deals one way or the other, even if Prince Andrew imagines they are vital.

Narratively, what we have here is our old rom-com friend, the enemies-to-lovers scenario, which is older even than me. (Much Ado About Nothing: is that the first example?) But Alex and Henry switch to lovers surprisingly quickly, beginning with a kiss amid snow so fake that I wasn’t even minded to call out: ‘Boys, put jumpers on!’ The sex scenes are steamy but never explicit. On one occasion, to the sound of unzipping, we cut to Nelson’s Column illuminated at night, which did make me laugh, although whether that was intended, I don’t know.

The film becomes predominantly about the obstacles set in their way, and how they keep being torn apart, most notably by Buckingham Palace, with its iron grip on traditionalism. The King (Stephen Fry) ambles on latterly to say that Henry must not throw away his future ‘for one infatuation’ and ‘your primary responsibility is your country, not your heart’ and while McQuistan swears she had the idea for this before Meghan and Harry came on the scene, I’m not entirely convinced.

It is modest fun, and there is the occasional good line, but the characters appear rushed and representative rather than living, breathing human beings and, as a result, the actors can offer only limited performances. Overall, it’s like being hit round the head with one of those photo-love stories from Jackie magazine. Probably, there is more depth in the book. But that’s just a guess.