In the schmalzy Qantas jingle ‘I Still Call Australia Home’, composer Peter Allen says he’s been to cities that never close down. Qantas passengers on the other hand, have been to airports where flights never take off.
This was amply demonstrated to a colleague of mine, who last Friday set out on a fool’s errand to fly from Melbourne to Perth for an event. Upon arriving at Tullamarine, he was informed that his flight would be delayed until 17:55, which would get him to Perth two hours after the event had started.
Using his considerable charm, he managed to get himself onto a 15:15 International flight, after having to throw away his can of 106ml Rexona deodorant because the limit for international flights is 100ml. But I digress. At this point in the proceedings, my colleague gave himself a 50% chance of making it to Perth. This, it turns out, was the triumph of hope over experience, as he was then informed that the flight would be delayed until 17: 30, thereby making it completely pointless to go at all. His attempt to leave the International Terminal is a story in itself and will have to wait for another day.
While I have never run an airline, I would like to suggest to Qantas management it has its priorities wrong. A perusal of the website reveals that their (interim) Reconciliation Action Plan 2021-2023, is 16 pages long. Judging from its performance as an airline, I suspect that its Scheduling Action Plan is only one page long. In introducing the plan, outgoing CEO Alan Joyce earnestly states that ‘Through our Reconciliation Action Plan (RAP), we seek to honour that knowledge, celebrate those cultures, and make amends for past wrongs.’ Joyce et al should be more focussed on the very real and present wrongs that the airline is currently inflicting on Australians who are at the mercy of what has become an incredibly dysfunctional institution.
It is because of the Reconciliation Action Plan that we are subjected to the performative virtue signalling on every flight, and which appears to be more and more embellished by the day. It is a requirement that the Acknowledgement of Country is ‘performed on all domestic and international routes during National Reconciliation Week (NRW) and NAIDOC week’ and that it is ‘included in the safety video screened on all Qantas flights where there is a safety video.’ The plan also explains the fact that passengers are turning up to their departure gates thinking that they are flying to Sydney for example, only to find out that their plane is going to Gadigal Country instead.
The inflight magazine is predictably, and boringly woke. It invariably features something about sustainability, whether it be food, a business, or an expensive new five-star resort that can only be reached by flying there. The more woke- minded Frequent Flyers among us can, however, tick a ‘Fly Carbon Neutral Box’ while they book their flights to offset their carbon footprints as well as their guilt. Speaking of ticking boxes, I also learnt from my colleague that as he sat in the lounge waiting for one of his planes to never take off, another taxied out, decorated from nose to tail with the colours of ‘Pride’.
The news that Qantas has plummeted from fifth to 17th in the 2023 World Airline Awards will not come as a surprise to anyone in this country who has had the misfortune of flying, or trying to fly, with the national carrier in the last couple of years. If there was a 2023 World Airline Woke Awards, however, I’m pretty sure Qantas would win. How much time, effort and money are being put into Reconciliation, Sustainability and Pride when it should be concentrating on its core business which is to fly people safely and efficiently around this vast country of ours. Qantas has to decide whether it wants to be an airline or an activist organisation. Until then, fly Rex if you can.
