Q. I spent day two of the Lord’s Test Match last week in the Grandstand. Shortly after play began, the adjacent seats were occupied. He, largely silent, was innocuous. She, of unpleasingly shrill-toned voice, wittered on inanely at high volume, barely pausing for breath, until they left late on. Destined to sit next to someone like this for an entire day, how does one politely invite her to behave more decorously, without causing extreme offence?

– P.R., Highgate, London

A. Dear Mary’s cricket consultant, L.G. of Fosbury, steps in to advise. ‘The answer to this problem is to buy the headsets available at all cricket grounds that allow you to listen to the TMS commentary as you watch. This honestly combines the best of all possible worlds, as you can experience the thrill of watching live with the pleasure of listening to the sensitive and intelligent commentary of Aggers, Daniel Norcross and Isa Guha among others. (Either that, or wear your own headphones with your device tuned into TMS.)’  

Q. I have moved in with three flatmates in New Cross. We often get invited to parties in east London, nowhere near train or Tube stations, and have to take it in turns not to drink so we can travel by car. This causes endless rows between us, as nobody wants to spend whole evenings without a single drink. How can we resolve this amicably, Mary?

– W.F., London SE14

A. You will find a Zipcar within walking distance of your flat, which you can use to go to the parties at a fraction of the cost of a taxi. It is a simple process to join Zipcar. You can park it near the venue, all drink as much as you want, and split the cost of a cab home between the four of you, thus preventing any future fallings out.

Q. Some of my children, step-children and other favourite guests – even my beloved brother-in-law – often upset me by diving straight into our butter dish with a dirty knife, leaving an unsightly mess for the rest of us to cope with. What I tend to do is remove the butter dish well in advance of all meals and ask family and friends at the appropriate time if they need any butter. If they do, I serve them myself straight on to their plates. My problem is that guests often complain that they would prefer to help themselves.

– Name and address withheld

A. This offence has been widely reported. To pre-empt it, experienced hosts still use butter paddles – the traditional means by which to shape butter into uniform pats with ridged sides, commonly known as butter balls. Serve them on a large dish with plenty of space between each ball. In this way guests help themselves to individual balls and cannot contaminate the adjacent supplies.