‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’ 

‘The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’ 

‘The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.’ 

It turns out that reports of the death of Humpty Dumpty were greatly exaggerated. After extensive reconstructive surgery, Humpty accepted a position as director of the Woke Ministry of Truth where his main responsibility has been the dissemination of Wokespeak. And hasn’t he done a wonderful job? Recent times have seen a steep descent into the veritable whirlpool of Wokespeak, where language is nothing more than a political tool and everything from women to racism is being redefined to reflect the woke’s world view.  

Humpty Dumpty sat on a word… 

Without students on campus for much of the year equity managers in US colleges have obviously had too much time on their inclusive jazz hands. A number of them have recently eschewed the term ‘alumni’ because…  dead white guys, obviously.  

They’ve opted for the kind of cumbersome, clownish replacement word beloved by Wokespeakers intent on changing language and thought: ‘alumnx’. Trips right off the tongue, doesn’t it? 

Vermont College of Fine Arts’ statement to announce the change was peppered with the usual woke tropes: 

After thoughtful deliberation across the institution, we consider this break from the traditional term “alumni” to be a clear step toward exercising more intentional language, which we strive to implement in all aspects of college life.

While the term “alumni” in its Latin origins is inclusive of male and female, such terminology adheres to an outdated, limited concept of gender. As an institution that believes in the vitality of words, we are committed to moving beyond the default, the traditional, the assumed.

There’s no explanation of how changing the ’i’ to an ’x’ is inherently more inclusive. It just is because they say so. Humpty had a field day with this one. 

The college is to be heartily congratulated on resolving a non-issue with a non-word. How very 1984.  

Humpty Dumpty wants the lines blurred…

Tampax was once euphemistically known as a ‘feminine products’ company because only women needed to buy what they sold. This week their virtue-signalling grab for post-modern kudos lit up Twitter, and rightly so. Consider this tweet: 

Fact: Not all women have periods. Also a fact: Not all people with periods are women. Let’s celebrate the diversity of all people who bleed! #mythbusting #periodtruths #transisbeautiful.

In one fell swoop they threw women to the woke wolves, reducing their existence to ‘people who bleed’ (along with anyone else who wants to claim that title) and simultaneously trampled all over the word ‘fact’.  As if the faceless and dubiously pigmented illustrations of the ‘people who bleed’ (no white skin on display here) that accompanied the tweet weren’t scary enough.  

Reaction was swift and unsurprisingly divided along a fault line of San Andreas proportions between the reasonable and the rabid. One tweet perfectly summed up what the Humpty Dumpties of the world have already achieved:  

[B]rands aren’t going to be pandering to transphobes for much longer. get ready for that new reality baby, we make the rules now, deal with it.

The woke with their totalitarian yen…  

Writer and director Christopher Rufo last week broke a story about racially–segregated training conducted by King County Library Services in Seattle, echoing similar training conducted for other Seattle public organisations in recent times.  

His report included a disturbing image of posters directing participants to sessions for ‘People of Color’ and ‘People Who are White’, which seems pretty outdated in this post-modern, non-binary world. Anyone who is bi-racial or chooses to identify as a dog or a tree, for example, was clearly unaccounted for. 

But despite the evidence to the contrary the library service’s Director of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (Dominica A. Myers she/her) issued a Humpty Dumpty clarification i.e. ‘guidance on responding to public concerns’ for staff this week, recoiling in horror at the suggestion that they conducted racially segregated training. No way! Never! Wash your mouth out with soap! 

KSCL leadership is rather: 

[W]orking together to form system-wide strategies and practices that align with KCLS values, as well as the needs of our diverse staff and patron communities.  

The sessions were merely: 

[C]aucused listening sessions as part of a consultant-led racial equity assessment process.

So there!   

Because of those nasty slurs in the independent media staff have now been instructed to: 

[R]efer to the sessions as ‘caucused listening sessions’ rather than ‘racially-segregated’ and/or ‘trainings’. Words matter in this case so please be mindful.

You’ll be pleased to know that King County sets great store in the fact that it takes its name from Martin Luther King Jr, who campaigned tirelessly to end racial segregation. I think that’s what’s known as irony. 

Watch out for a revised definition of ‘caucused’ in Merriam Webster. 

Are putting the language together again… 

Words always matter. That’s why it’s so important for the woke to redefine and control them. In her Supreme Court nomination hearing recently Justice Amy Coney Barrett used the term ‘sexual preference’, which was jumped on by Senator Maizie Hirono: 

Sexual preference is an offensive and outdated term. To suggest sexual orientation is a choice? It’s not. It’s a key part of a person’s identity.  

It was amplified by other Democrats and their supporters, despite the fact that there are many documented instances of them using the same terminology, even the sainted Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  

As shills for Wokespeak Merriam Webster Dictionary then changed its definition of the term ‘sexual preference’ overnight, adding that it is: 

[W]idely considered offensive in its implied suggestion that a person can choose who they are sexually or romantically attracted to. 

But in a fine flourish of Humpty Dumptying  Snopes fact-checking website determined that, while reports of the changed definition were true, the situation was not quite as it appeared. 

Though Merriam-Webster didn’t change its usage guidelines because of Barrett’s comments, a spokesperson with the dictionary told Snopes that the public attention focused on the term after her comments prompted the update. 

Take a bow, Humpty Dumpty. 

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