For a while there, I thought that my credentials on climate change were pretty good. As I explained to my young research assistant as he left for the latest protest rally, I am more opposed to climate change than him, because I am opposed to all change, no matter where, when or what. It never improves anything and I always end up paying for it.

However, despite my well-credentialled opposition to all forms of change, my position on climate change itself, or, as Kevin Rudd put it, per se and in terms of programmatic specificity, has left a lot to be desired. I now think that there might be more to climate change than I had previously believed and I have actually started to feel a bit guilty about the whole thing and in particular about the fact that I have done little to abate its onward march to the inevitable death of the planet.

But what has brought about this momentous change? What is it that has turned me from a self-centred and curmudgeon-like sceptic into a passionate advocate for action? Well, there have been three significant events. I should add, in my own defence, that they are all very recent. Had they occurred earlier, I would have become a climate change crusader correspondingly earlier, and I hope that I get credit for making the transition as soon as these game-changing events came to my notice.

First, at the height of the bushfires a few weeks ago, we had a momentous change in the climate in Melbourne, such that I do not think I can stand more shocks of the same ferocity. It was so cold that the man from the weather bureau said it was the coldest January day for 20 years. It really woke me up with a start, I can tell you. It made me realise for the first time that we have to face the reality that it is simply getting colder and that the science is in. Moreover, I realised that if this is what it is going to be like, we have to take urgent action before the Yarra freezes over.

The second event that occurred was another in the series of climate change rallies that have been held in Melbourne. Until this particular rally, I had thought that the young who attended them were luke-warm in their commitment, as they were holding rallies only when they should have been in school or attending lectures or perhaps even doing homework. Then, something dawned on me, as I watched them at the most recent protest, which occurred on a Friday. The young participants were actually making a bigger sacrifice than I thought, because they were giving up their greatest asset, the time they should be spending on preparing for the world of work. Had the rally been held on a Saturday, they would have been making no sacrifice at all. When the enormity of this contribution sank in, I realised that it was time to make my own sacrifice for climate change.

The third momentous event, and one that occurred just a few days ago, was the BAFTA or ‘British Oscars’ awards held in London. The organisers had pleaded with celebrities who would attend, to dress sustainably to reduce the carbon footprint of the event. And, by Jove, did they enter into the spirit of the event? Joaquin Phoenix for example, who has to attend a whole series of awards this year, set the pace by promising to wear the same tuxedo for the whole season! How good is that? As a confirmed monarchist, I was then thrilled to see that Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, was wearing an Alexander McQueen gown that she had first worn in, wait for it, 2012! Again, how great a sacrifice is that? And Saoirse Ronan was there, wearing a knockout Gucci number made from ‘discarded’ satin. I was also advised by a usually reliable source that Prince Harry was going to wear an old recycled SS uniform instead of a new one, and Pierre Trudeau was agonising over which of his many pre-loved minstrel costumes and old Nehru suits to wear. I can also confirm that so great an effect has this move to sustainability had on celebrities that Greta Thunberg has been rummaging through the costumes from the first season of Viking (2013!) which she plans to wear to the Oscars. The savings from these recycled clothes alone must be in the millions and its beneficial effect on the carbon footprint can be measured only in the tonnes. I am also sure that not a single celebrity went to the Golden Globes by car, aeroplane or other form of death-delivering transport.

The effect of these revelations shocked me into action. It was basically shame that moved me. I then realised that the least I could do was atone for my climate sins by making the same sacrifice that celebrities have so nobly made; and you too can make the same contribution to saving the planet. I have proved this by going through my wardrobe. Thus, I have given a new lease of life to my 1970s flares and platform shoes. Why, I even found the tee-shirts I wore during my fourth and tenth midlife crises, with the pictures of Che Guevara, Ho Chi Minh, Mao and Mugabe. And how liberating it is to breathe new life into these freedom-loving heroes.

I also found my discarded woollen duffle coat that will rival Saoirse Ronan’s discarded satin in a canter. Here also was the ribbon I stole from my primary school teacher in 1947, which will now make a marvellous bandana to wear to rallies. Finally, I am sure Malcolm Turnbull will lend me his old leather jacket for the finishing touch. I am now a climate change warrior and I urge you to be the same. To the wardrobe! Do it for Greta!