I’m pleased to meet you, my name’s Bill

I’m the biggest dill on Capital Hill.

Born in Melbourne where I went to school

So don’t you take me for a bloody fool.

Hooray, ain’t life grand;

I’m smiling at my image in the hallway stand.

 

I’m working class to my very roots

If you don’t like it you can root ya boot!

I’ve got two degrees and an MBA

I walk both sides of the street today.

Hooray, ain’t life grand;

I smile at my image in the alumni mag.

 

I got a job in a big law firm;

Married a girl before she could squirm.

Her father was a generous gent

But he was born in a Liberal tent.

Hooray, I’d like to thank

The guys who run the country and the merchant bank!

 

Humble though I began my career,

As a research officer with a glass of beer.

The union was the AWU

I was the national sec before you can count to two.

Hooray, Beaconsfield!

I smile at the cameras as your emotions yield!

 

I’m in ya house, I’m in ya face,

Can’t you see me up in Canberra in my proper place?

Time to tread the boards on the national stage,

But where do you find a seat for a bloke my age?

Hooray, Moonie Ponds!

I’ll shaft the sitting member with gladioli fronds!

 

Bumped into Parliament despite my tender years,

I should have realised it would end in tears.

But PM Kevin kept me in my place,

So I shafted him with Julia and began my race.

Hooray, first taste of blood;

In my element when I’m slinging mud!

 

Tweedledee followed Tweedledum,

But counting numbers is lots of fun.

Number One PM followed Number Two,

My only interest was in me for you!

Hooray, I’m up shit creek;

No place here for the mild and meek!

 

I’m pleased to meet you, my name’s Bill

I’m the biggest dill on Capital Hill.

 

Terence Maher is a former editor of The Melbourne Times

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