Flat White

Mutti and Macron: a tragic tale of thwarted love

20 November 2018

4:45 PM

20 November 2018

4:45 PM

You probably thought it was not possible to accurately equate the relations between nation states with personal human relationships. That is because you probably didn’t hear the latest declaration of French love and affection by the French President Emmanuel Macron to German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Friendship between the two nations (according to Macron, un mot terrible) the result of World Wars I and II, les guerres terrible, has grown into a grand marital (not martial) affection, mirroring presumably, the immortal words of Ryan O’Neil in Love Story, “Love is never having to say you are sorry.”

So, there you have it. Germany can stop apologising for World Wars I and II and even III.

France 24, were quite overcome by the romance (in a nice way) and reported  le discours du President (his speech) by noting especially Macron’s reference to them as a couple:

Europe, and within it the Franco-German couple, have the obligation not to let the world slip into chaos and to guide it on the road to peace. That’s why Europe must be stronger and win more sovereignty.

What makes that statement so cute, are the rumours surrounding the French President’s sexuality and that of his bodyguard, Rambo, something, I hasten to add he has explicitly denied, even though he was not even asked about it. And if you would like to read all about his denial (which I recommend as one of the best reads of the year) go to it. It is quite funny for a man who wants to rule Europe (with Mutti’s help, of course).


But, given the rumours and the French President’s delight in being one half of the Franco-German couple, we must ask, not as the result of any prurient interest, just curiosity, but in the spirit of this new-found love, whether President Macron would be la Femme and Chancellor Merkel der Mann. Or would that be vice versa – or something? A brief reflection suggests that Mutti Merkel and Germany might just be the real mensch and if the rumours are true, Emmanuel Macron would be right up for it.

Breitbart, on the other hand, implicitly dismissed the romance.  It reported Macron’s speech differently:

“France has always been on Germany’s side,” said the progressive president of the French Republic, explaining in the ambitious speech of his vision for the European Union that “the new Franco-German responsibility is to build a modern, effective, sovereign, democratic Europe,” which seeks to “regulate fair trade, protect the environment, and provide a good balance between individual freedom and collective solidarity.”

France has always been on Germany’s side? Merde! Obviously, Macron did not ask his father what happened in World War II. Some French, it is true were on Germany’s side, but mostly, the French weren’t; especially those in Lyon where there was real resistance not like the black shirt, socialist anti-fa fascists.

The mistake in both Macron’s and Merkel’s argument is their premise that nationalism is the cause of war. Wars are caused by the tyrannical ambition of certain rulers. The rest of us have to die just to satisfy their lust. In World War I the German ruler was an absolute monarch and France was the stage on which the death throes of European absolute monarchy was played to its end, 30-40 million deaths later. World War II was not caused by German nationalism but by unfettered lust for power of National Socialism. If it had not been for the nationalism of Great Britain, the Dominions and the United States, President Macron native tongue may have been German. And I bet he won’t give up the French language (the epitome of French nationalism) so that the whole of Europe speaks German or even English.

The problem for Macron is that French pride in their country is being undermined by the ruling class’s desire for global recognition and an international stage on which to parade; Napoleonic complex. So long as they continue to hold elections, people like Macron will be the last of the French ruling class. Their hubris is so great they are only satisfied by foreign curtsies. Let’s hope!

Despite Macron’s flirtatious approach to Mutti Merkel (he has this thing for older women and violent bodyguards), it is difficult to see the union of those two nations progressing much beyond where they are at present. In the first place, French women are quite disdainful of German sausage which they consider the würst, even preferring the humble English porker if they can’t can’t get their own saucisson (beau).  That first breakfast would be a nightmare ending in a quickie peutetre, or even a divorce. And the real French homme does not like the Prussian love of spanking their friends on the bottom. Real French men, are just not like that!

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