Despite being for “Team Hillary” since 2007, I’ve no problem with Donald Trump being elected president. I’m not an American citizen, so why should I feel personally slighted about their election results? The only negative outcome arising from Trump’s win is how insufferable the complaints from lefties throughout the world are going to be for the next four years.

On Wednesday afternoon, as news of Trump’s election came through, the ABC’s Sunshine Coast FM was already stroking the resentments of local sooks by requesting songs to play for the occasion. Unsurprisingly, most were demanding REM’s “It’s The End of The World as We Know It“, apparently ignoring the song’s following lyric “and I feel fine.”

(On the other hand, my dad, a brilliant stirrer who couldn’t care less about the US election, sent me a text declaring the “lefty snouts in the trough gravy train” had been “kicked in the snatch”, adding “God bless America!” Why can’t everyone else give a quick opinion and get on with their lives like him?)

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe Mr Trump will be able to “Make America Great Again” right off the bat. It took Ronald Reagan a whole term before he could claim it was “morning again in America” without being pilloried. Still, can you imagine how annoying the next four years are going to be with the left throwing tantrums and blaming Trump – however tenuously – for anything they can and no doubt will?

If we learnt anything from the Brexit referendum, it was that the insouciance of a losing side knows no bounds. Had there ever before – outside of countries with dictatorships – been an election or referendum where those whose votes didn’t win outright refused to accept the result? So much for democracy. Since the Brexit result, members of the Remain campaign have placed Brexit and its supporters as responsible for anything and everything. People who aren’t white and British being attacked or harassed? Obviously, it’s thanks to that dastardly Brexit. Even attacks on Africans and Arabs in the UK are disingenuously thought to be caused by the referendum, with Remainers believing Brexit has encouraged racists and thugs to do their worst.

Could it not be that those attackers of passers-by were already violent and would have put the boot in, anyway? It’s a line of (not much) thinking similar to the one here in Australia, where alcohol is held up as the culprit for all “alcohol fuelled violence”, instead of it being imbibed by people already prone to violence. Go for any scapegoat you can. It’s the lefty way.

Already the usual left-leaning celebs have weighed in with their tearful wails (“Say a prayer America,” Lady Gaga tweeted, along with adolescently changing her Twitter handle to “Country of Kindness”) and empty threats of not only leaving the States, but the world too, with Cher claiming she’ll be “moving to Jupiter“. Even more predictable was Brit-in-America James Corden unable to move on from July by claiming Trump’s win gives him a flashback to his “Brexit feelings”.

Most expected has been the Guardian’s professional bloggers – sorry, “journalists” – with their panic stricken, doom mongering whinges: “The US has just elected its most dangerous leader. We all have plenty to fear.” And “The moment America laid waste to democracy as we know it.” (More like yet another in a long line of moments the Guardian laid waste to common sense as we know it) It wouldn’t surprise me if these pieces of doom and gloom – owing to how vociferous the Graun’s hacks and most of Gen Y’s dim young things were in their support for Senator Bernie Sanders in the Democratic primaries – were written months ago. In fact, if Hillary Clinton was elected president, the whinges would still appear, but with her name instead of Trump’s.

Am I the only one who wanted Clinton to win just to see the Guardianistas heads explode as they churned out the “We Woz Robbed” pieces for Sanders, which would mean they’d then have to be dismissive of a woman, one of their big no-nos? Of course, knowing the left, they would have probably committed an act of hypocritical derring–do without realising how contradictory they were being. Will we ever see the Graun champion an “old white man” at the expense of a woman?

Donald Trump’s victory was hardly unexpected. This is America we’re talking about, where celebrity is king. Why else do you think the Kardashian-Wests and their extended clan are treated akin to royalty? Why wouldn’t Americans vote for a man lately more famous for his endeavours with reality television, instead of his (somewhat questionable) business acumen? Because he’s famous. End of. So bring on King Donald and Queen Ivanka. JFK and Jackie started the trend by having their White House tenure labelled “Camelot”; the Eurythmics‘ “King and Queen of America” was a dig at Ronald and Nancy Reagan. Again, why is Trump’s win so “shocking”?

Columnists in Thursday’s Daily Telegraph certainly agree, or at least share a similar sentiment. Miranda Devine stated most commentators and talking heads “have egg on their faces”, adding they were all “too busy vilifying Trump”. Andrew Bolt has succinctly said there’ll be “sanctimonious commentators who will howl [Trump’s victory] proves every second American is a cretin.” Of course, it started even before Trump was declared the winner.

Then again, what do I know? I’m only a young hack who’ll give an opinion on anything for pay and attention. (Though I can assure you I believe everything I say, and only present my arguments after much thought, unlike the Guardian sorts lucky enough to be highly paid for their spur of the moment finger-waggings and faux outrages) When Malcolm Turnbull toppled Tony Abbott for the Liberal leadership, my opinion was cast aside by Fairfax editors who claimed they were unable to print my submissions because they had too many proper commentators riding on “Turnbull’s ascendancy”. For goodness sake – they were still banging on about the day of the spill a month after it had happened. No wonder the established commentators have all “got it wrong” by dismissing Trump’s chances. Time to give less heard voices like me a go, no? We don’t sulk, we don’t insult our opponents in lieu of actual opinions, and we get on with our lives instead of complaining long after whatever causes popular umbrage have occurred.  

Contrary to the received opinion of the left and the sillier media outlets that enable those even sillier, the world won’t end in a day. If Donald Trump wishes for all to “work together and unify”, then sulking and throwing tantrums ad infinitum certainly won’t get us anywhere.  

If I can be a young small-l liberal who can accept a Trump presidency without vitriol, then why can’t anyone else of a similar bent? Am I really that novel? Let’s hope President-elect Trump can prove his detractors wrong and actually bring the American people together, while teaching the (commercial and social) media’s rabid lefties and dim young things a thing or two. 

Illustration: 20th Century Fox