Q. I have a friend with multiple sclerosis. She lives alone in the countryside. There is no bus service and, due to her physical condition, she was disqualified from driving two years ago. I made my friend an open offer that should she need a lift, she should call me. Mostly I can oblige. But I failed to take account that my friend was raised never to make a direct request. Instead, if she needs a lift, she will manage the conversation until it is apparent that I should make the offer, which she will decline until, by a process of attrition, she accepts, sometimes with qualifications which mean I am not quite sure if I am to drive her or not. I should add that her MS is not the operative factor — she has always behaved this way.
I appreciate that a direct request has a certain indelicacy, but if the object of manners is to preserve the feelings of the other person so far as possible, there are surely situations when directness is the better option, if the alternative is to cause the other person to feel exasperated.
— Name and address withheld

A. The solution lies in letting your friend feel she has the whip hand and that she is patronising you rather than the other way around. Next time you give her a lift, instead of being ‘caring’, focus on gossip and laughter and, as you drop her back, say what fun it has been to drive her around. Next, on a random day that suits you to drive somewhere, invite her to come along just for the chatting. Once convinced that you enjoy her company and that it’s almost a form of therapy for you, her morale will be boosted and she will express her needs more freely.

Q. What do you do when your host creeps into your bedroom once his wife is asleep, and you have to have the most tremendous silent tussle before he will go away? Mary, you might say ‘Do not stay the night there any more’, but for practical and professional reasons I have to. By the way, I like both of the couple immensely, it is just that the man is in the age group — late seventies — that thinks it’s de rigueur to make passes at single women sleeping in his house. If I shout out, I will wake his wife up.
— Name and address withheld

A. This problem can be solved at a stroke with the purchase of a simple door wedge from any hardware store. These small tools punch above their weight and are all you need to prevent unwelcome bedroom intrusions.

Q. My friend and her boyfriend picked me up from a station but were swept on by a parking person so I just had to jump in and found it very awkward trying to kiss them from the back seat.
— F.W., London W11

A. There is no need to kiss at all in this scenario. In some cases a failure to kiss when it would be absurd to try is an emblem of true friendship.