Four months in Washington D.C., interning on Capitol Hill sounded pretty good to a kid who was addicted to The West Wing at 14. In reality, time spent exploring the never-ending tunnels connecting the Capitol with the offices of Congressional Staff proved to be the most enjoyable.

The Capitol Semester Program, run by The Fund for American Studies, an organisation founded by, among others, William Buckley, combines studying at the Economics Department of George Mason University with DC-based internships. Having spent the past two years being fed a steady diet of Karl Marx at Sydney University’s Political Economy Department, it promised to be a refreshing change.

It becomes quickly apparent that the Capitol complex is a city of its own, complete with three newspapers, never-ending foot traffic, and its own black market economy. Congressional Offices receive free food and drinks from companies that produce within their districts. Offices with highly valued products, Hershey Chocolate from Philadelphia or M&M’s from New Jersey can pick and choose favourable deals. If you’re unlucky enough to be placed in an office with less delicious industry – a friend of mine ended up in a Southern California office with free breath mints – you face a tougher time.

If, like myself, you secure an Internship in the office of a Georgia Congressman you’ve hit the jackpot. Atlanta is home to Coca Cola Ltd and all its beverages, including Powerade, the hangover cure of choice for interns struggling to get through the day.

There are two popular perceptions of Americans within Australia: they are stupid and conservative. Time in D.C. challenges both ideas. Of course, stupid questions get asked, do Australians celebrate Christmas? Or being complimented on the quality of my English. Indeed Americans are uniquely insulated from the world, but they are a world unto themselves. Americans have a far greater grasp of their own history than Australians do. Ask Australian university students how many seats there are in parliament and you’ll get puzzled looks. Ask the same question to Americans and you’ll get confident responses.

Australians like to think that we are far more progressive or enlightened than Americans, that America is a backward place ruled by bygone notions of morality. How awful!

In reality this notion doesn’t play out. Same sex marriage has been legalized in 30 American States (including the eternally red Utah, Alaska and Oklahoma). Cannabis is legal, at least medically, in 23 States. Compared to none in Australia – home of the great enlightened. Yes, America’s increased religiosity results in a politically charged abortion debate and a strong gun-culture leaves Australians slightly bewildered, but the moral superiority displayed by sections of our cultural left is entirely unfounded. Never let the facts get in the way of a good narrative.

Most restaurants around the Capitol Building have a series of hanging signed portraits of Representatives. The interesting thing is that Hillary Clinton’s portrait is omnipresent. I find it hard to believe that Former Secretary Clinton gets $10 haircuts from Luther in the House Barber Shop or visits Burrito Bros, where Chicken Tacos come with a 50% chance of food poisoning. Regardless, there she is.

One of the most colourful aspects of interning in a Congressional office is the chance to speak on a daily basis to the good people of Georgia. The nature of calls tends to move in line with the two week issue cycle of Fox News. Two weeks for ebola, two weeks for ISIS, two weeks for amnesty. Once Fox News moves onto a new scandal/threat/impending international disaster so do the callers. ‘What is the Congressman’s position on ISIS?’ Not exactly the toughest question in the world, ‘The Congressman is opposed to ISIS.’ Every now and then a particularly bizarre caller will come along. One wanted to know why the Government was preventing him from starting a business on the moon. Another demanded that the government be immediately abolished. ‘The Congressman supports the continued existence of the United States Federal Government’.

About 1 in 100 calls is from a happy constituent. ‘I love what you guys are doing up there, can you give me the number for a Democrats office I can complain too.’ These callers were inevitably given the number of arch-Democrat, Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts. I have no doubt that there is an intern in Senator Warren’s office cursing me for that.

Part of any intern’s role is to give constituents visiting DC a tour of the Capitol building. Whoever made that decision did not think through the implications of their decision. Left to their own devices interns can be remarkably creative. Giving the same tour multiple times a day is the perfect opportunity. Convincing families of the most outrageous fallacies conceivable is commonplace. The body of every past Speaker of the House is buried underneath the Capitol Dome and the Moby Dick of Capitol lies, if you stretch the entire tunnel network out into a straight line it would equal the same width of Texas.

There comes a time, towards the end of your internship, when the winding tunnels have been thoroughly mapped and the shock of sharing an elevator with Paul Ryan has subsided, that an easy confidence takes over. Even the most complicated of errands are conquered and the most challenging calls are handled with ease. No, you’re not Josh Lyman, but if anyone wanted 100 packets of M&Ms on short notice, you’re the man for the job.