High life

My fury at Fury, a film only a vampire could love

There's enough blood on the screen in Brad Pitt's new blockbuster to turn Dracula to masturbation

25 October 2014

9:00 AM

25 October 2014

9:00 AM

I have always believed that the mission of most movies made after the Fred & Ginger era has been to reduce, insofar as it is possible, the manners and morals of the community. Long before the camera was invented, the Ancient Greeks used to throw playwrights in jail for corrupting society, old Aristophanes always one step ahead of the sheriff, a practice that has not been followed by our generation because there are not enough jail cells to accommodate all the ruffians responsible. In between, Cervantes was funny with money and did a Taki as a result, Ben Jonson killed a man in a duel and was something of a jailbird, Racine was a gigolo to Madame de Maintenon, Samuel Johnson was arrested twice for debt, Voltaire was thrown out of France three times and did Bastille time, and the wonderful Tennessee Williams abused booze and boys all of his short life. The list goes on and on, and only the sainted and best of all, Sir Tom Stoppard, escapes the hall of shame.

Now please don’t get me wrong. The men who directed and wrote the motion picture I’m about to review have as much in common with the above names as popinjays do with lions, their lack of talent constituting a legitimate disability. The movie premiere of Fury, starring Brad Pitt, was well attended by homeless people, or so it seemed, as the dress code was expensive rags and pork-pie hats as worn by the richest hobo of them all, Brad Pitt himself, who waved from the stage but said nothing, thank God.

I was a guest of Michael Mailer’s, hence I will control the vitriol; suffice it to say that 15 minutes into the gross-out porno-violent movie, I was rooting for Brad to be killed, preferably roasted alive inside his Sherman tank. The blood orgy was directed by one David Ayer, whose imaginative powers are on a par with those of a mosquito seeking blood. (Human faces lie around like dirty underwear, bodies are flattened out by tanks and become parts of the landscape, limbs and heads are severed in glorious Technicolor.) Pitt is the non-com officer who leads his crew of five into battle, taking on a German battalion of 300, when all he has to do is walk away and fight another day. Five Americans against 300 Germans, now that’s instructive because I always thought that by 17 April 1945, when the movie supposedly takes place, it was the other way round. Pitt finally dies a hero, but as I watched him perform his celluloid heroics, the only image that came to mind was a real story, one that took place long ago with Brad begging Mike Tyson — who mistakenly thought pretty boy was coming on to his wife and was faking anger — ‘Please dude, don’t, for God’s sake don’t…’

Oh well, we can’t all be heroes in real life, only on reel. What this movie needs is a bit of subtlety, a bit of talent, and a different director, script, writer and actors. Otherwise, in its present state, only Dracula and ghouls will enjoy it. In fact, it could be advertised as the movie that turned Count Dracula to masturbation. But I’m being too hard on these ‘artists’. This is a low, dishonest period in film, with no class and certainly no dignity. Unarmed, unresisting prisoners with their hands up are executed by our American heroes, something that definitely took place and by both the good and bad guys during that terrible war, especially at the end, but showing it as deserving, a comeuppance, is a cheap shot that appeals to anti-German ghouls. No one, even among the bravest of the brave, wanted to risk his life two weeks before Germany surrendered, not even the Russians, but neither has anyone in modern Hollywood read history, so I shouldn’t quibble. Just take my advice and stay away.

Action movies are, of course, wonderful, as long as the director and the writer control their impulses to blow us away with violence. I suppose today’s films are made for those who blog, text and post selfies: non-readers, whose imagination has to be jarred from their narcissistic state. Mind you, I’m not a fan of French films where everyone sits around and talks and nothing, but nothing, ever happens. (Directors of such movies are called auteurs.) Nor am I mad about films, or books for that matter, that focus on everyday grievances, the regrets that pile up as the years crawl by. (I tend to hit the popcorn too much.) But there is a happy medium, and the old flicks had it in spades. Was there violence in Rebecca? In Wuthering Heights? In Laura? Could anyone ever get bored with The Best Years of Our Lives? Or the best war film ever, Go Tell The Spartans, about early Vietnam, starring the great Burt Lancaster. And if you hate the Germans and the fascists, go see The Garden of the Finzi-Continis, written and directed by Vittorio de Sica, starring the best looking woman of her time, Dominique Sanda. I could go on and on and on. But I won’t. All I’d like to know is where has all the talent gone? And as always I will answer my own question: movies today reflect what the audience wants to see, and the audiences are imbeciles and uneducated fools and that’s why Fury will be a hit, so help me God.

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  • davidshort10

    I know this old chap is a born-rich playboy who doesn’t cash the Spectator’s cheques but this and the fact that Andrew Neill the md is probably in awe of him should not allow him to pick and choose what he writes about. There is already a review of Fury by the excellent Deborah Ross in this issue so why does he review it and give away the ending without a Spoiler Warning? Taki might not like Brad Pitt because the latter is young and goodlooking but much of the rest of the world does not share his opinion.

    • post_x_it

      Brad Pitt is 50. If that is ‘young’ then when exactly does middle age start?

    • EricHobsbawmtwit

      Agreed. I’m actually annoyed at the spoiler.

      I will decide for myself whether or not the film is any good. I quite like realism in war films and actually, yes, tanks do roll over the dead and dying, people are decapitated by shrapnel, arms and legs are torn off by high velocity rifle bullets and intestines are sometimes emptied onto the ground beside still living but dying victims. It’s war!

      • Malus Pudor

        Is your avatar an image of yourself trying to free a particularly obdurate and recalcitrant stool from your lower intestines…

        If so… my deepest sympathies…

        If otherwise, I suggest you incorporate figs and other natural remedies into your diet.

    • little islander

      ‘hobo’, my thought exactly.

    • Pearlbuck

      He exposes a ridiculously immoral fim. If it results in you not going to see it, mission accomplished.

      But if you don’t like it, don’t read his next review, chump.

  • ghostoflectricity

    I’ll say one thing for Taki, he is consistent. He loves the Wehrmacht and hates those ill-mannered film makers backed by those grotesque, big-nosed, ugly (one of his favorite terms of opproprium, as if physical appearance- highly subjective in Taki’s case; he after all once told us, in this column, that Maria Sharapova was physically ugly), fat, Jewish (need I say it) studio chiefs making their ill-mannered movies. What’s a little mass murder when bad manners are on display? The horror!

    • Malus Pudor

      That’s quite funny, ghost… not to say correct…

      For all his occasional shafts of wit, Taki is obsessed with the lack of pulchritude in the Chosen Race…

      • jjjj

        Ah…the jealousy of those who were not born of the ‘Chosen Race’. So jealous that they cannot stop commenting about it week after week. Ha ha. Sticks in their throat.

        • Pearlbuck

          What does the “j” stand for?

          • jjjj

            Justice Robert Jackson

          • Malus Pudor

            Are you the ghost of a Confederate general ?

          • jjjj

            Shit for brains eh…? First you accuse yourself of stalking you (self-paranoia) then you utterly get the names of Confederate Generals wrong.

          • Malus Pudor

            Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson[1] (January 21, 1824[2] – May 10, 1863) was a Confederate general during the American Civil War

            In your case, Bonehead Jackson….

          • jjjj

            No asshole, you jumped in with ‘Stonewall’ whereas my original comment said ‘Justice Robert Jackson’. Now, run along and look it up in Wikepedia. You really have shit for brains.

          • Malus Pudor

            Semites who seek to live in and infest any country or culture in the world, rather than exist in their own hijacked statelet or develop their own way of life, are always the most vitriolic and racist in condemning all opinions and beliefs of the Gentiles…. or Goys… and we are saddled with the consequences of Israel’s humongous inferiority complex, which mushrooms daily like a toxic cancer.

            Were the world free of all the warring, primitive savages from the Levant, we might all live in a much more civilised world….

            PS Wikipedia is your bible, is it… not something slightly more cerebral or well-researched ?

          • Malus Pudor

            Jerk !

        • Malus Pudor

          There is absolutely no Jealousy involved in not having been born a Semite….

          More an emotion of gratitude and relief in not being part of that toxic congenital affliction which pervades the Levant….

      • Malus Pudor

        Stop stalking me… you obsessive twerp !

    • Pearlbuck

      Well, is there any denying that the fat studio chiefs you mention have made a perverse, completely repulsive and inexcusably racist piece of revenge porn here?

  • Paddy Kilshamus

    I hear that Brad Pitt is to star in ‘Hellstorm’ based on the book by Thomas Goodrich. He plays Ilya Ehrenburg the chief propagandist of Soviet Russian forces who wrote:

    The Germans are not human beings. From now on, the word “German” is the most horrible curse. From now on, the word “German” strikes us to the quick. We have nothing to discuss. We will not get excited. We will kill. If you have not killed at least one German a day, you have wasted that day… If you cannot kill a German with a bullet, then kill him with your bayonet. If your part of the front is quiet and there is no fighting, then kill a German in the meantime… If you have already killed a German, then kill another one–there is nothing more amusing to us than a heap of German corpses. Don’t count the days, don’t count the kilometers. Count only one thing: the number of Germans you have killed. Kill the Germans! Kill the Germans! Kill!

    It should be very good especially as they have Ben Kingsley starring as Stalin in a reprise of his psycho role in ‘Sexy Beast’ and Juliet Stevenson as one of the millions of German women raped by order of Iyla again:

    Kill! Kill! In the German race there is nothing but evil; not one among the living, not one among the yet unborn but is evil! Follow the precepts of Comrade Stalin. Stamp out the fascist beast once and for all in its lair! Use force and break the racial pride of these German women. Take them as your lawful booty. Kill! As you storm onward, kill, you gallant soldiers of the Red Army

    Ca’t wait to see it!

    • Kennybhoy

      Cut and paste artist.

  • Pearlbuck

    “Unarmed, unresisting prisoners with their hands up are executed by our American heroes, something that definitely took place and by both the good and bad guys during that terrible war, especially at the end, but showing it as deserving, a comeuppance, is a cheap shot that appeals to anti-German ghouls.”

    Yep, this is evidence of undeniable, nearly omnipotent depravity. How sick. how sad.

  • Fritz123

    Well, thats the reason why I like French films where everyone sits around and talks and nothing, but nothing, ever happens.

  • Kennybhoy

    Jew hating fascist cunus!

  • I think I’ll pass this one up and instead watch Battle of the Bulge.

  • Nova

    Hating every single things Hollywood made,crappy,average or great seems to be a trend nowadays, If it’s a war movie made by americans, it will automatically became a “U.S propaganda” and “unrealistic” then people will starts making blogs to rant about it and draw more sheeps into their barns so they can feel like they’re doing the right thing.

    If it’s a war movie made by another country,oh they’ll praise it like some national treasure was being made,more or less. Sherman Tank was not the best Tank of it’s time,sure, but who gives a shit? Obviously you blokes does! It’s a movie,a mostly fictional movie that happen to took place in WWII, and people freak their shit out because of it. Demanding realism. You want realism? Join the army! I find a bunch of unrealistic factors in the film, but I still like it.

    Freak out over a film about something that mostly didn’t even happen and go as far as making a blog to trash it is kinda over the edge. But it scares me because of the amount of people who went so far about something that didn’t even affect or ruin their life.