I’m not apologising for my obsession with B1, our Climate Change and Energy Minister, Chris Bowen. Under his watch, he has made a disproportionate contribution to Australia’s loss of competitiveness while causing harm to consumers. This is existential stuff for a once high-income, prosperous economy.

Let’s also face it, B1 probably still harbours an ambition to get the top job. Prime Minister Bowen no doubt sounds sweet to his ears. Ostensibly from the right of the party, his only hope of fulfilling this dream is to appeal to the left. Hence, aggressive climate change measures and the like are part of his kitbag to climb the greasy pole.

But my attention has been increasingly dragged to B2, Tony Burke. His list of positions is as follows: Minister for Home Affairs, Minister for the Arts, Minister for Cyber Security, Minister for Immigration and Citizenship and Leader of the House.  Electric guitar by his side, he was never going to give up the Arts portfolio. In any case, the arts community are ‘his people’ and he cares.

But let me concentrate on the appalling job he has been doing as Minister for Immigration and Citizenship. His disgraceful behaviour comes in two parts: first, several individual decisions and actions and, secondly, his complete failure to reform, tweak even, the immigration rules that are increasingly being gamed and abused.

My fellow Speccie writer, Rebecca Weisser, has given us the rundown on the series of biased visa decisions made by B2. The clear pattern is to cancel visas of Jewish applicants, days or even hours before their planned visits to Australia.

In this way, B2 attracts press attention for the decision as well as maximising the inconvenience for the visitor and for those people organising the visits. The fact that people lose money as a result is of absolutely no concern to B2.

His latest ruling involved Jewish comedian, Sami Yahood, who was booked to speak at several synagogues. He was to provide comfort to many people affected directly and indirectly by the Bondi massacre. But, hey, B2 knew better: just think of the loss of social cohesion if Sami was allowed to visit for a few weeks.

Now I might be wrong, but B2 hasn’t shown any real inclination to deny or cancel the visas of visiting radical Islamists, although there may be one or two cases. His local constituents really appreciate these visits; it’s no surprise that B2 would regard such visits as contributing to social cohesion. Go figure.

One event last year that really raised my blood pressure was B2’s trip to Mascot to welcome incoming escapees from Gaza. Was this some sort of joke? The people arriving hadn’t been through the normal vetting procedure, and it is said that they entered on tourist visas. Again, go figure.

How did B2 possibly think that it was appropriate for him to be driven down to the airport to welcome in this very particular tribe of people, along with the wailing but no doubt grateful family members? Does he make it a habit of popping down to the airport when a bunch of new arrivals turns up?

Of course, B2 was making a political point, with the main audience being Muslim voters in western Sydney. What I don’t understand is how he thought he could get away with it without causing a political uproar, even a minor one. But of course, when you have an opposition who couldn’t run a chook raffle, stunts like this become a safe bet.

But let me get on to my main point: B2’s complete dereliction to alter the immigration regulations in the face of massive failures in the system. Let me run through some of these problems.

International student visas are clearly being rorted. In many cases, students are accepted to study at second-tier universities only to drop out immediately and opt for cheaper (and sometimes non-existent) courses. The clear aim is to access the labour market and ultimately secure permanent residence. Receiving a real education is the furthest thing from their minds. The students in question are typically from India, Nepal, Pakistan, the Philippines, Vietnam and several South American countries.

There is a clear solution to this problem.  Make the students return to their home countries if they wish to swap educational institutions and apply for another visa. This would pretty much kill this sneaky ploy.

A second problem is the clear gaming of the system by those who have graduated. It is close to automatic for these graduates to receive a further visa. But when these run out, a growing number of temporary migrants claim humanitarian status, which clogs up the courts and takes a great deal of time to resolve. In the meantime, they receive bridging visas. There are currently over 100,000 individuals on bridging visas.

Again, a simple solution is available. Name the home countries for which it is simply not possible to apply for a humanitarian visa. In fact, virtually all the large source countries should be on the list and so that problem is quickly sorted.

An overarching problem is the need to restrict the migrant intake. Recall that net overseas migration (long-term arrivals minus long-term departures) exceeded 500,000 per year after Covid, a clearly unsustainable number. And while the number has fallen to the mid-200,000s, it is still too high, particularly if you believe multiple surveys on the public’s preference for lower migrant intakes.

But B2 is not having a bar of it. He even agreed to the request of Jason Clare, another poor ministerial performer, to lift the number of international student visas for this year to 295,000, an increase of 25,000. He wouldn’t want to let the desperate university supplicants down. Gosh these are ‘his people’ as well.

And bear in mind here that these numbers don’t include any accompanying dependents who are allowed to enter under Australian rules. In the UK, by contrast, there is no provision for accompanying dependents for international student visa holders save for those undertaking doctoral-level or above study.

Don’t get me on to the misuse that occurs with grandparent visas and the scope for nan and pop to string out their stay for literally years. There is no way that B2 will tighten the rules related to grandparent visas lest he receive a voter backlash from any change to the regulations, let alone any real enforcement of the current rules.

Just like the boss, Burke is not a policy person. He does politics and allows his self-satisfaction to shine through. He told a journalist that he had kicked an Islamic hate-preacher out of the country days after a vile sermon was delivered. But, oops, he had the wrong bloke; he was actually an Australian citizen and continues to deliver odious sermons here.

But B2 didn’t apologise; he got some staffer to quietly provide a correction. But, hey, if you are doing the best possible job as Immigration Minister, why apologise? That smooth voice and smug smile really help. Prime Minister Burke no doubt has a real ring to it, at least for him.