I’m not a big fan of self-serving autobiographies, particularly of recently departed political leaders.  I had briefly considered dipping into Kamala’s – it’s called 107 Days, but it seemed so much longer – for the inadvertent comedic lines.  But I knew the scathing reviews would include the best ones.

I never considered reading Jacinda Ardern’s magnum opus, A Different Kind of Power. Yep, that would be complete incompetence, spending other people’s money as if there were no tomorrow and racially dividing a small country – that’s different. She also likes to call it governing with kindness – give us a break.

Let’s not forget here that she was the President of the International Union of Socialist Youth in her youth. Her subsequent career moves are entirely consistent with this early ascent of the career ladder for hard-left types.

You will be pleased to know that Jacinda’s memoirs are already available at a deep discount. Copies are currently gathering dust on remainder tables, particularly in the land of the long white cloud.

You will be less pleased to know that Jacinda is now enjoying a lucrative post-political career bouncing around the east coast of the US, including at several woke Ivy League universities. She was recently awarded an honorary degree in civil law by Oxford University. I guess all that hugging she did while New Zealand’s prime minister has paid off.

Why am I prattling on about Jacinda, you may ask? It has always annoyed me that there is Jacinda and then there is Jacinta.  Agreement has always eluded the parents considering the name linked to the hyacinth. (Let’s face it, the only notable hyacinth was Hyacinth Bucket, played by the redoubtable Patricia Routledge who recently died.)

But here is my real point: Jacinda, Jacinta; let’s call the whole thing off. I refer here, of course, to the current Victorian Premier, Jacinta Allan, also known as Jacinta Andrews, whose performance knows no depth. Each day, she appears on our television and radio to produce preposterous explanations of the ruinous developments in the state, and her government’s decisions.   She is the queen of obfuscation, a champion at dodging the main challenges.

Her adherence to hard-left thinking is unremitting. Think of a topic and you know what her views will be.

Too much crime in the state? Insufficient government support has left victims with no choice but to resort to crimes like home invasions, carjacking, and violent assaults. In any case, banning machetes will do the trick.  After all, these misunderstood victims are bound to head to the nearest police station to hand over their specially curated collections.

Inadequate housing? Voracious landlords and greedy developers are the only explanations. High electricity prices? Climate deniers are impeding the rollout of cheap renewables, obviously.

But while she may yack on with all her predictable shibboleths, the voting public is not as gullible as she might hope, even if the opposition does a particularly good impression of Halloween ghosts hiding behind the empty shops that litter some suburbs.

Manipulated crime statistics are one thing, but pictures of a bloke running in his undies to grab a hoodie-wearing, teenage burglar, out on bail, are much more likely to grab voters’ attention. Then there were the two young basketball players returning home only to be ambushed by a gang – actually, the word ‘gang’ was banned by Dan the Man, but what the heck. Both lads died from the machete attack, with hands being severed in the process.

Even Jacinta was incapable of interpreting the viciousness and senselessness of this episode to her own political advantage.

And we now have the image of a female – am I allowed to say that in Victoria? – randomly knifing another female as she walked down the street in CBD Melbourne. Did I mention that the attacking female was out on bail? It almost goes without saying.

But it’s OK, because Jacinta expressed her sympathy for the injured woman and wished ‘their’ family well. Of course, we can’t entirely discount the possibility that the hyacinth woman did not excel at grammar in school, but her choice of possessive pronoun was quite deliberate. That’s what the woke left do – they mangle the language.

The woman who was stabbed – she is physically OK, but a complete mental wreck – is a woman and it’s her family. Jacinta should not be compounding the distress of those affected by crime, although bear in mind that she repeatedly tells us that Victoria is a safe place – pause for laughter here.

And did I mention the cigar-smoking chap who created havoc while damaging property in the safe haven of the CBD for several hours? Obviously, nothing to see there.

We have also learned about the father who sexually abused his child and sent videos of this overseas. You have to understand that the father is gender-dysphoric and so the offender was given a light sentence and allowed to serve their (geddit?) term in a women’s prison.

Jacinta initially responded by declaring that this decision was suitable, noting that it is the responsibility of Corrections Victoria to determine the placement of prisoners.   Sensing that the voting public was not entirely happy with this blather – a biological man and child abuser to boot in a women’s prison – she walked back slightly.

But in sharp contrast with the unambiguous statement of the Chief Minister of the Northern Territory, Lia Finocchiaro, that women go to women’s prisons and men go to men’s prisons, we are really none the wiser in Victoria. It all depends. Pause for big sigh here.

We have also learnt that there is an Education Department guideline that permits – nay, encourages – teachers to help gender-confused students to ‘socially transition’, without the knowledge or consent of parents. George Orwell would have surely drawn the line at putting this scenario in his books – too far-fetched.

Conferring this power on untrained teachers completely beggars belief. But Jacinta trots out the completely unverified statistic – that transitioning teenagers are 15 times more likely to commit suicide or attempt to commit suicide (it’s not clear which one) – to justify this policy. When questioned about the data, Jacinta allows the tears to well up in her eyes while querying the intentions of the questioning journalist. To think this woman is the premier of a state. (Well done, Rachel Baxendale of the Australian, by the way, you are doing a great job.)

Victoria now has the highest rate of unemployment and the highest tax burden.  Its fiscal position is dire and there are clear indications that the state’s credit rating is about to be downgraded. The hapless and inexperienced Treasurer, Jaclyn Symes, has called in the private sector cavalry, at great expense, to see if this outcome can be avoided.

A record number of cars are being stolen, with the rate of theft at least twice that of other states. Victoria is unsafe in many places and at various times of the day. But Jacinta doesn’t want to talk the state down.  The trouble is that she’s living in a gulag of denial.