socrates: I was talking with some handsome young men in St Andrews University when the vice chancellor appeared, keen to discuss her new student ‘training module’. It would include ticking the statement: ‘Acknowledging your personal guilt is a useful start point in overcoming unconscious bias.’

socrates: I was talking with some handsome young men in St Andrews University when the vice chancellor appeared, keen to discuss her new student ‘training module’. It would include ticking the statement: ‘Acknowledging your personal guilt is a useful start point in overcoming unconscious bias.’

Poor Bias! One of the seven Greek sages! He certainly knew his onions. But why ‘personal’? ‘Your guilt’ is all that is needed. As the great Heinz Kiosk said: ‘We are all guilty.’

VICE CHANCELLOR: We are indeed, by Zeus.

SOCRATES: But, for all that, guilty of what, exactly?

VICE CHANCELLOR: ‘Unconscious bias’, as it says. Do pay attention, Socrates.

SOCRATES: Of course! But tell me, for I wish to know – what is wrong with bias? Would you disapprove of someone who was biased towards goodness?

VICE CHANCELLOR: Far from it, by the gods. For students are surely aware that goodness is a good bias.

SOCRATES: So can they be guilty of a good bias?

VICE CHANCELLOR: Indeed not, by Zeus, only of a bad one.

SOCRATES: But if they are unconscious of their bad bias, how can they know it is bad?

VICE CHANCELLOR: Because everyone knows what is bad.

SOCRATES: It seems therefore that students already know what good and bad are. So how are they unconsciously biased?

VICE CHANCELLOR: Only on certain topics, Socrates, which they can be taught to examine.

SOCRATES: The unexamined life is indeed not worth living for a human. Not but what, who will conduct this examination? The biased or unbiased?

VICE CHANCELLOR: The latter, of course, Socrates.

SOCRATES: And how will they know they are unbiased?

VICE CHANCELLOR: Clearly, because they have acknowledged their personal guilt.

SOCRATES: By ticking the right box! Of course! This box-ticking is a rigorous ‘training module’, by the Dog, for today’s world, worthy of your ancient university. Farewell, vice chancellor.

VICE CHANCELLOR: I am glad you agree, Socrates. Farewell also.