I come to praise Hawaii. My wife and I lived in New Zealand from 1993 to 2004 and since then here in Australia. But most of both of our families lived in Toronto. They still do. So inside and out we know the mind-numbing boredom and tediousness of flying across the Pacific Ocean halfway around the world to Ontario, Canada. And the Allan family – the hint is in the Scots-Canadian Presbyterian surname – does it in economy class, unlike the great and the good corporate and politico types who as a class pushed that woeful, divisive, mendacious Voice referendum and who feel uncomfortable whenever they are not within sight of the Chairman’s Lounge or of a fully reclining airplane bed. (And isn’t one of the great tax scams going the fact that companies buy flights but individuals on company business get the airpoints personally and that this benefit isn’t taxable? I wonder when our virtue-signalling corporate elites, the ones who spent shareholders’ monies on the Yes campaign and are happy to apologise willy-nilly for what others in the past did, are going to abase themselves in spasms of apologies for grabbing this massive perk at the expense of your average working Joe? Okay, I don’t really wonder. The answer rhymes with ‘clever’.)

But back to getting from here to there. I doubt I say anything original or surprising when I point out that the Los Angeles airport (‘LAX’) is one of the worst big-city international airports going. For years and years weary travellers faced big customs queues, the least friendly airport and customs staff in Christendom, and an airport complex that went out of date about when the last of the Ian Fleming Bond movies with Sean Connery was being filmed.

Until recently anyone flying on to Canada had to allow for the likelihood that he’d be spending all of his three-odd transit hours in LA lining up to get through customs, finding and then rechecking his bags, then walking to the new terminal (walking is faster than the woeful bus service), then lining up to get back through security and then hoping to get to the new departure gate in time. Yes, in the last few years they have made LAX easier to negotiate and have made some renovations. But it’s still one of the least pleasant airports going.

And so often we would look for an alternative. Flying directly up to Vancouver became possible with the long-range 787s. But that was slower than going through LA. And it meant taking Air Canada.

If you think any Australian carrier has unfriendly cabin attendants you really need to take a flight on Air Canada. Or on any American airline for that matter. You’re not going to complain ever again about the way Australian airlines treat their passengers. So the attractions of San Francisco or Dallas as transit hubs weren’t all that much better than LA.

My wife and I discovered the solution way back when we lived in New Zealand. Fly through Hawaii. It’s almost exactly halfway to Toronto. The US customs people and the ground staff in Honolulu are friendly. It’s like some anti-matter version of LAX. (The state flag will astound you – it includes the Union Jack. On an American flag! I still marvel at it each time I pass through customs.)

One nine-and-a-half-hour overnight flight from Australia’s east coast and you land on the island of Oahu. And the trick is to stay for at least a few days.

Get a pretty good hotel because there are many. (Our favourite in Honolulu is the Lotus Hotel maybe half a mile off the Waikiki strip near the zoo.) And then just enjoy the magnificent combination of Polynesia with American amenities. You can walk up Diamond Head before breakfast. Take a stroll along the entire Waikiki strip to the far end and the yacht club where the boat in the opening sequence to the Gilligan’s Island TV show was shot. You go thinking it will be a tourist hell but it’s not. It’s terrific. Including the food. And don’t forget a quick trip to Pearl Harbor.

You can also rent a car and drive up to the North Shore. Rent a cheap car and they ‘upgrade’ you to a Mustang convertible for about $10 a day. That’s the only US made car that Top Gear ever reviewed. They loved it. It can’t turn corners and has useless engineering compared to the German cars, but put it on a straight-away and the thing is like a rocket. Plus, you feel a lot more cool driving it than you really are.

Go around Christmas time and you’ll see some mighty big waves and sometimes some crazy-brave surfers. Or better yet, return visitors need to fly over to one of the other islands. The island of Hawaii, aka ‘the Big Island’, is where they hold the unofficial world championship of the Iron Man competition each year. This is the largest island in the Hawaiian chain; it’s nearly twice as big as all of the other Hawaiian Islands combined. And they tell you, repeatedly, that this one island has all but four of the world’s different climate zones ranging from Wet Tropical to Polar Tundra. And there are a couple of spectacular volcanoes. In a few hours you can go from snow-capped volcano to the most incredibly lush valleys. We’ve also tried Kauai and that’s for those who want laid-back on steroids. Our favourite, though, is Maui. Readers might recall that in August of this year big wildfires swept through parts of the north-west side of this island, including destroying the historic town of Lahaina. Believe me this island is worth a visit. Spectacular drives. Incredibly lush scenery. Ocean views. More big wave surfing to watch. Really good food. And golf courses to kill for.

It’s a very pleasant place to go. The trade winds blow all year so the climate is a bit like southern California, warm but not oppressively hot. And it’s part of the trivia answer to, ‘Which two US states do NOT do daylight savings?’ The other one is Arizona.’ So we Queenslanders have an infinity with that sensible call.

This year my wife and I are flying back to Toronto for a big Christmas with both our families. Our kids are flying in from London. Some of the time we’ll be a few hours north of Toronto up in what they call ‘cottage country’ – and to the disappointment of the scaremongers in the jet-setting global warming elite I can report that already there are several feet of snow there.

But if you guessed that we’ll be starting off this trip with six days in Hawaii (all on Oahu with that Mustang convertible and ready to roll) then you win the prize. Six laid-back days in Hawaii and then it’s Canadian cold weather, lots of eating and drinking, a big family Christmas, and sundown before 4pm.

But there’s no better way to get there than through Hawaii. I know. I’ve done this trip myriad times.

Merry Christmas (as we’d say in Canada) to all the fine readers of this wonderful publication.