New York

At a chic dinner party for some very beautiful women, your correspondent shocked the attendees by quoting an even greater writer than the greatest Greek writer since Homer – Rod Liddle – and his definition of why royalty matters: because it is ‘anachronistic and undemocratic’. Hear, Hear!

A particularly attractive guest, Alissa – on a par with Lily James – took me aside and asked me if I really believed what the greatest writer ever, Rod Liddle, had written and I had just quoted. She also asked whom I had in mind as the greatest Greek writer since Homer, and I answered: ‘Moi.’ I then sat down and patiently if not too articulately, owing to a large intake of vodka, explained: God is also an anachronism, but I believe in him as do billions of others. We need anachronisms more than ever today, what with the discrediting of our past and our national identities by woke leftists. Society needs something intangible to trust and respect; too much reality is no good. Alissa listened but gave no sign of approval or otherwise.

Actually, I believe everything I said to this beautiful and charming young woman. Anxiety, fear and depression are the dominant emotions of our time, especially in America. Ours is an age of extraordinary social isolation, where people report less companionship, less time spent with friends, and less still with family. This is where God and his messenger, the church, play a very important role.

Yet the young no longer believe in God and do not attend church regularly the way my generation did. What they do is complain about the crushing weight of the world on their shoulders, and whine non-stop about it. An America addicted to banality and mayhem, which watches TV all day and night, needs to go to church more than ever, I told her.

Although I kept it light, I am quite serious about what I said. There’s a sense of menace that pervades American life, with daily mass shootings, excessive drug taking and out-of- control alcoholism. I have never seen US society so divided, with many of its citizens, both on the left and on the right, feeling like extraterrestrials.

Democracy has earned a resounding F, where the US of A is concerned. While flirting, albeit ever so subtly, I told Alissa how far less complicated the world was back in the 13th century, when everyone believed in God and the divine right of kings. Mind you, it was a pity there was no penicillin.

In the meantime, an obviously deranged Bagel Times warns daily of the dangers of a fascist takeover in America, but that’s because the paper has been taken over by talentless ideologues who cannot understand that not everyone in the country has had their brains fried by woke. Later in the evening, our whole group was involved in a discussion about the undemocratic side of monarchy. Americans view monarchy as something quaint that only past-it Europeans tolerate, and some even go so far as supporting.

My host, Michael Mailer, was giving the dinner in honour of Joe Driscoll’s birthday. Joe is a very personable man who lost an election for Congress in Pennsylvania some time ago by a hair. He was part of the young Kennedy group of a generation ago, some of whom made it to Congress, and on this particular evening he asked me why I hadn’t written anything about Robert Kennedy’s present run for president. I should, I told him, because I like strong leaders and he seems to think and act like one. ‘You’re spot-on,’ said Joe. We then switched the discussion from politics to monarchy, and the greatest Greek thinker since Socrates enlightened the Americans as to what they’re missing.

There’s a repugnance on this side of the pond for the principle of hereditary power, but in view of how divided the country is at the moment, this could easily have been avoided if Washington had accepted George I some 250 years back. The Brits feel intense pride in having a monarchy with a chain stretching back so far into history. Monarchy transcends politics, said the wise Greek elder. ‘It’s like taking a calming pill amid the hurly-burly of screaming politicos.’ But it was like whistling Dixie; not many agreed.

‘We Greeks had kings and queens when the Brits were still eating grass and living in trees,’ I ventured, trying to get the Irish on my side. ‘Leonidas of Sparta, Alexander the Great, Odysseus of Ithaca.’

‘But he was a mythological king,’ came a voice from the back. ‘What are you, a fact-checker?’ said Michael, coming to my defence. Everyone burst out laughing.

Monarchy might be anathema to most Americans, and an unimaginable curse to many West Indians, but it is of preternatural importance to countries such as Holland, Sweden, Denmark and Norway. Not to mention Japan, which has the oldest royal family ever, loved by a united people. In view of the disunity of America, I think Uncle Sam should try the institution, and I’ve got just the right guy for it: Prince Pavlos of Greece. His wife’s American and he went to school here. He’s as royal as they come, much more so than the recently crowned one in Britain. Let’s dump gaga Biden and vulgar Trump and go for the Greek royal. Pavlos the First sounds like a Yankee doodle dandy.