‘How dare you do anything productive!’ is pretty much the motto of local councils the world over.

Their portfolios of responsibility are limited to the menial tasks of civilisation; rubbish collection, pothole filling, bus shelter repairs, and the occasional festival. Ratepayers give this assortment of minor tyrants (councillors) about double the correct price to fulfil these activities and in return they are gifted Pride-coloured bins with a set of IKEA-style instructions, a bill for parking in their own driveway, and a polite reminder that commenting on knife crime is racist.

In Australia, councillors have decided to let the garbage pile up and the roads fall apart in exchange for cancelling Australia Day and refusing to fly the Australian flag. Value for money? It’s doubtful the Millennial voting base will notice until they trip over a discarded Ecar wedged in an asphalt crater.

As far as I can tell, the only useful thing our local council has attempted in the last twenty years is the repainting of the pedestrian crossing in front of the Post Office with super-extra-slip-easy paint that becomes an ice rink when wet. On the bright side, it glows in the dark so you can see the bodies piling up.

Former Top Gear (and current Amazon Grand Tour) star Jeremy Clarkson is both successful and popular – which means he may as well be an anti-queer terrorist tweeter as far as the petty local council is concerned.

Not content with irritating the BBC, Clarkson decided to set up a working farm for his Amazon Prime series, Clarkson’s Farm.

Diddly Squat Farm, both the actual farm and the show, serves the dual purpose of being entertaining and giving city-viewers an insight into the red-tape nightmare that’s been destroying local agriculture. There are entire episodes dedicated to the costs and arbitrary restrictions placed on British farmers which make it nearly impossible for anyone to make a profit growing food. Even Clarkson, with all the money and hired help fame can buy, struggled to turn a profit worth all the hardship of farming.

Honestly, it’s astounding the whole world isn’t starving – not from the weather – but from bureaucracy.

The most sensible thing for a struggling farm to do is entice a bit of local tourism, thus the Diddly Squat Farm shop popped into existence.

You’d imagine building a shack with a counter on your land would be relatively straightforward exercise, but the council stepped in repeatedly to complain about everything – from the access road to the type of roof.

Clarkson eventually lost his appeal about the shop roof and was forced to tear it off and replace it (uh, what happened to wasting resources in the climate apocalypse?) because the materials used weren’t ‘visually harmonious with neighbouring Cotswolds properties’.

The roof was green. The council wanted it to be a more expensive slate.

If it helps, the council has a Net Zero ‘decarbonise your home in an affordable way’ toolbox available. I wonder if it includes expensive slate roofs?

Based in Chadlington, Clarkson’s presence (and in particular, his shop and restaurant) has brought a small fortune to surrounding businesses. His produce is hilariously cheap (which suits the needs of impoverished holidaymakers) and the whole experience hails back to the quaint English culture that has been lost of late.

The council has now issued Clarkson with an order to close because the thriving business ‘breached planning laws’ by uh … running a restaurant and selling things.

As rural communities struggle under increased production costs, out-of-control power prices, and a general cost of living crisis, one might imagine that the very last thing the council would do is take away a businesses that helps everyone else make money. But you have to think like a councillor – a species of political bovine raised with its fangs in the teat of imbecility.

A small group of locals (not the majority) have complained that there’s more ‘traffic’ and ‘tourists’ in the area since the shop opened.

What a shame. Most areas are desperate to attract customers and here Clarkson is, doing it for free. All the quiet pubs and shops that these locals enjoy would have shut up and died long ago if hadn’t been for Clarkson.

As the manager of the Chipping Norton Camping and Caravanning Club, Steve Tomlinson, told the Daily Mail:

‘Over a season, literally hundreds of people, if not thousands, come to the campsite especially for that [Clarkson’s Farm]. They come from all over Europe and even America. […] It brings in thousands of pounds worth of business every week for the area. The campsite, shops, and pubs in the area, petrol stations, the market. I can’t speak for the town, but it’s very popular amongst most of the businesses I’ve spoken to. There’s no objections to the farm shop from us at all.’

He added, tellingly:

‘I think the council are being petty. For the amount of business it brings to the area, it’s petty. If he was farmer Joe Bloggs, it wouldn’t be a problem.’

It’s difficult to watch Clarkson’s show and walk away without the impression that the local council have been targeting him with nonsense fine print just to be arses.

West Oxfordshire District Council appears to be allergic to economic success. It would rather the rolling hills remain quiet and the farms – well, the farms can somehow survive on the generational wealth of old families rather than the industry and hard work of new ones.

‘I don’t see what the problem is,’ said one guest. ‘He is employing plenty of people and trying to make a living. I’ve always been a fan.’

Another one added, ‘They don’t like anyone who is successful.’

Perhaps it’s a touch of jealousy? ‘I have friends who are farmers and they say Clarkson has done more for farmers than the National Farmers Union ever did.’

The cold hard truth is that Jeremy Clarkson’s program has embarrassed the council and shed a much-needed spotlight on the bureaucracy killing farms across the UK. His success makes them look like villains in a TV show – oh wait…

Meanwhile, the local naysayers complain about everything from Clarkson making money (isn’t that what they do?), to accusations that he is ‘playing’ at being a farmer. They whinge about the lack of infrastructure (that’d be the failing of the council, not Clarkson), and his campaign to try and sell non-local produce in his shop (how dare!!!).

‘He is just constantly pushing the rules. He is not allowed to sell anything in his shop that is not made locally but he wants to sell his merchandise so he charges £20 for a potato and gives them a t-shirt for free.’

Clarkson is fighting to keep his new restaurant open, which started trading in July to rave reviews. The council replied with a nasty rant.

West Oxfordshire District Council served an enforcement notice on the owners of Diddly Squat Farm in respect of planning breaches on the site on August 12, 2022.

Council officers have worked with the owner and planning agents of the business, over many months, to investigate breaches in planning control, advising on how the business can be operated in a lawful way and trying to reach a solution.

The business continues to operate outside the planning permissions granted and advice has been ignored. The activity has also had a significant impact on the local community.

The council is pursuing enforcement action to ensure that planning laws are followed on the site in the same way as they would be for any other business operating across the district and within an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty.

It is the responsibility of the council to ensure that planning laws and processes are followed correctly. Over recent years the business has had several planning applications approved, where they are in line with national and local planning policy, and also some refused where they are not.

We work constructively and successfully with many businesses across West Oxfordshire, including farms, to help them operate within the national and local planning laws and policies that exist to protect the countryside and local communities.

The enforcement notice instructs the owners of the business to stop activity in breach of planning control.

The council has recently become aware that the owners of Diddly Squat Farm have appealed the enforcement notice, which is common practice in planning enforcement cases.

It’s pretty obvious how this saga will end.

Jeremy Clarkson will take his money and his business somewhere else and the village will be left with a gaping hole where commerce used to thrive. The remaining pubs, shops, and caravan park will sit empty. There’ll be no jobs for the young – who will leave for the city. Within a year, the residents will be complaining that there’s no money, no jobs, and no tourism.

The local area will be left with diddly squat because a few privileged councillors decided to annoy a business instead of making a few extra car spaces.

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