Flat White


19 November 2021

1:21 PM

19 November 2021

1:21 PM

Prime Minister Scott Morrison yesterday discovered his inner Braveheart.

“Sons of Australia. I am Scott Morrison,” he told a hastily convened media conference called to discuss vaccine mandates

“Scott Morrison is a strong conservative leader!” a passer-by protested.

“Yes. I’ve heard,” lamented the Prime Minister. “He’s a conviction politician who believes in small government, abundant coal and individual freedoms. And if he were here, he’d consume the state premiers with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse!”

The exchange was met with howls of laughter from the media pack who knew conservatives could only dream of such a leader. But alas, Tony Abbott is no longer in parliament.

“I am Scott Morrison,” the PM continued bravely.

“Resist the jab and you may die of Covid. Submit to vaccine mandates, and you’ll live… at least a while.

“And siting in a ‘fully vaccinated people only’ cafe, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and – after scanning your QR code – tell your state premiers that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our freedom!” 

If only. 

In fairness, the PM did call for Australians to “take their lives back and move forward with the freedoms that should be theirs”.

But Braveheart it wasn’t, and William Wallace he ain’t.

It wasn’t even a great attempt at pretending to be a freedom warrior, like Mel Gibson or that other great Australian actor Dominic Perrottet. 

When Mr Morrison said “Australians have kept their part of the deal. We now have one of the highest vaccination rates in the world” everyone knew his freedom-fighter performance was a dud.

The so-called ‘deal’ was to get jabbed or lose our jobs.

The ‘deal’ was to be injected or never see our family and friends again. 

And now — after 80% of us have ‘kept our part’ of a highly coercive ‘deal’ — the PM wants to cover his face in war paint, don a kilt and ride around on horseback yelling “Freedom!” like he’s the one standing between citizens and tyranny? 

If he had been wearing a kilt, there would have been nothing under it.

“We’re not in favour of mandatory vaccination imposed by the government,” Mr Morrison said. “Businesses can make their own choices, under the law, but we are not about telling them what to do or telling Australians what do to.” 

To the common man that all sounded suspiciously like the PM saying he was happy for businesses to do the government’s dirty work.

If Mr Morrison was so committed to individual rights, he could have legislated to stop businesses (and state governments) violating them.

Instead, he has waited until 80% of the country has been jabbed – many under duress – before riding into town yelling “freedom”, hoping it will win him an election even as it won Mel Gibson an Oscar.

But it was his final act that was most dramatic. 

With a straight face Mr Morrison said: “Vaccines are only mandatory in cases where you’ve got health workers working with vulnerable people. That’s what our medical advice has always been.”

Wait. What?

The PM has always had medical advice that mandatory vaccinations were unnecessary except for health workers? 

Where was Braveheart when kids working in supermarkets were being told to get jabbed or lose their jobs?

Where was Braveheart when hairdressers were being threatened with unemployment if they didn’t submit to an injection?

Our rugby league loving PM was mute while fellow Pentecostal Christian and Canterbury Bulldogs recruit John Asiata lost his contract for daring to insist upon bodily autonomy.

But yesterday – after the event – the Prime Minister boasted he “always” had medical advice that, as it turns out, would have supported Asiata’s stance.

As William Wallace was reported to have quipped: “Incompetence is often highly regarded in governmental circles.”

If I was Asiata — or a hairdresser, or a schoolteacher or 10 million other employees who had been threatened with “no jab no job” — I’d be filthy. Yesterday’s freedom speech was not inspiring. It was insulting.

The PM has been silent while state governments and big business have forced healthy people to undergo a medical procedure that many of them did not want.

And now, with needle marks still fresh in people’s arms, he wants us to believe he has always been a champion of freedom.

Do you remember that famous scene in Braveheart where the Scottish army mooned the English army? Well, you and I now know how the English army felt.

You can order James Macpherson’s new book Notes from Woketopia at jamesmacpherson.com.au.

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