Flat White

Pirate Pete’s “fitzocrisy”

31 May 2018

7:30 AM

31 May 2018

7:30 AM

Some of the arguments that Peter FitzSimons makes has me thinking that there might just be a “multiverse” after all. I mean, how else do you explain the following inanity in coming to the defence of James Slipper who, after having tested positive for cocaine not once, but twice, has been banned from rugby for two months and fined $27,500?

Yep, that’s right, you heard him correctly. There’s nothing wrong with a professional athlete committing a criminal offence as long as it’s done within the privacy of their own home. FitzSimons is unequivocal that in situations such as that then, “It is none of my damned business.” So much for professional athletes being role models.

FitzSimons’ hypocrisy here, though, is quite simply breathtaking. Especially since the ‘Red Pirate’—as he has become increasingly referred too—has been relentless in condemning Israel Folau for holding to his own personal religious beliefs. As some—such as Mark Latham—were quick to point out:

And the following Twitter exchange that then ensued was just as enlightening:

In one of those stranger than fiction kind of ways I recently discovered that Hugh Everett III—the guy who first proposed the ‘multiverse’—developed his highly speculative theory after a night of drinking sherry with his fellow postgraduate students at Princeton. What’s more, some other ‘fun facts’ include:

  • Everett wrote to Einstein when he was 12 – and Einstein replied. Young Hugh was already keen at challenging the very highest figures of physics authority. His letter was an attempt to solve the paradox of what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.
  • He was recommended for Princeton by his old professor of mathematics, who wrote, “This is a once-in-a-lifetime recommendation for I think it most unlikely that I shall ever again encounter a student I can give such complete and unreserved support.”
  • When Everett died of a heart attack, his teenage son Mark discovered the body. Mark recalls that trying to revive his dead father was the first time he could remember ever touching him.
  • Everett was a keen atheist. Following his instructions, his widow, Nancy, threw his ashes out with the garbage.

But then all of a sudden, everything that FitzSimons has been saying started to make sense. Not in this universe of course. But in the parallel one where the intellectual elite wear red bandanas rather than academic gowns. Where rational inconsistency is completely logical. And where FitzSimons is actually sewer-dwelling Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Leonardo as the following photographic evidence conclusively proves:

Such is the logical absurdity of the left. Holding to traditional religious values is bad. While championing the progressive virtue of breaking the law to take a prohibitive substance is fine. This all really is beyond a joke.

Mark Powell is the Associate Pastor of Cornerstone Presbyterian Church, Strathfield.

Illustration: Channel 9/YouTube.

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