Poems

To a Turkish president

21 May 2016

9:00 AM

21 May 2016

9:00 AM

There was a young fellow from Ankara
Who was a terrific wankera
Till he sowed his wild oats
With the help of a goat
But he didn’t even stop to thankera.


 

*Extempore limerick in conversation with Nicholas Farrell and Urs Gehriger for the Swiss newspaper Die Weltwoche. On the grounds of its spontaneity, it has been judged the winner of The Spectator’s President Erdogan Offensive Poetry Competition

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  • Mongo

    former editor of the Spectator wins the Spectator poetry competition.

    make the rampant corruption a little less obvious next time

    • Village Idiot

      I rather think you have missed the point.

      • Mongo

        when in Turkey, do as the Turks

    • Discuscutter

      Guess it makes the lampooning of Erdogan a more bigger story than just a regular joe won it.

    • Ludwig Apsel Weber

      oh for God’s sake

  • ohforheavensake

    Boris? Don’t you actually have a job that you should be doing?

  • Pretty_Polly

    But there’s no mention of Erdogan !

    • Trailblazer10

      Of course not. Boris chickened out.

  • Radford_NG

    A better title :

    “Getting President Erdogan’s Goat.”

  • Mongo

    Boris Johnson, patriotic campaigner for ‘Leave’
    Often seems very naive
    Surely it’s a no-brainer
    He’s a secret Remainer
    And will blow this referendum I believe

  • Arrow

    Viva Boris………!!!!!!! Absolutely Smashing and to the point.

  • FrancescaMacfarlane

    Surely The Spectator has a duty to publish the hundred or so best runners up?

    • Hermine Funkington-Rumpelstilz

      Deja-vu galore

      In memoriam Klopp
      ————————-
      I once went to Palmyra
      to meet up with Khedira
      Liverpool vor
      noch ein Tor!
      You get that?
      I can’t hear ya.

      • wasteman

        Top wasteman

  • JJD

    Oh come on, Douglas Murray. Giving the prize to Boris is just so pathetic. A nice ‘grassroots’ idea spoiled.

    • Central power

      Similar stitch up as Nobel Peace Prize for Obama.

  • Webwrights

    The fact that it is by Boris Johnson clearly outweighs the various objections
    that it does not scan, it breaks the strict limerick syllable/rhyme
    scheme (8-8-5-5-8) and does not even mention Erdogan. It is just a
    feeble and lumpish piece of doggerel that could be about anybody. I
    cannot believe that there were not countless better, more personal and
    more insulting efforts.

    • David Miller

      “Oats” does not rhyme with “goat”
      Completely agree with your critique.

  • Dan Swanmore

    There was prize-winner called Boris
    Who is hardly a compeer of Horace.
    If he were a dame
    He’d be blushing with shame
    From his barnet down to his clit-oris.

    • Webwrights

      There once was an ex-London mayor
      Who wrote mucky verse as a dare.
      It wasn’t much good,
      Was misunderstood
      And really just didn’t compare.

      • Webwrights

        Alexander Boris has tried
        With poor limericks to deride
        Recep Erdogan
        (The goat-humping Hun),
        But they of the target fell wide.

  • ossettian

    I don’t believe that this was in the top 50% of entries.

  • Halo

    Well Boris boy is allowed to given that he actually has a Turkish heritage somewhere along the line. Just be careful Erdogan doesn’t pass a law that makes you a Turkish citizen and subject to arrest next time you visit Germany.

  • SeaNote

    Erdogan only has 1 million Kurds to go.

  • Mark Scott

    please publish the list of finalists!

  • right1_left1

    We now suffer a buffoon known as Boris
    Plays the fool with jokes really not lolish
    At public school there’s no doubt
    He must have serviced a lout
    Result? self serving wit with no polish.

    ‘Wit’ is a euphemism dontcha know !
    definition:a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.
    Pinched off the net.
    Perrrfect !

    • Stand by. GO!

      Nit. He’s the next PM, dont’cha know

      • right1_left1

        StandbyGo claims I must be a nitwit
        That Boris a PM will be
        Boris once proclaimed Gekko’s good side
        His big bonus he really ought share.
        Such wishful thinking we know that
        Leaving blue collars deep in despair !

        Boris Johnson developed at Eton
        Bulligdon of course there’s no doubt.
        Though he cant speak Greek
        He is deffo not meek
        A PM we can all do without.

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    • Stand by. GO!

      What does that even f***ing mean? Hey Speccie, pal, can’t you delete this?

  • GertrudeBell

    Ok, chaps, this is NOT fair. I love Boris but we were expressly told not to use the w-word rhyming (sort of) with Ankara by Douglas Murray in his original article. I hereby lodge a protest and demand a look at some of the runners up…please

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