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Unfaithful

The Spectator 21 September 2013 9:00 am

‘No, I don’t have an eating disorder. The reason I’m not touching it is because you’re a lousy cook.’

Food

The Spectator 21 September 2013 9:00 am

‘How sweet. He used to hate seeing his grandma but now he wants to come round here all the time.’

Sherry

The Spectator 21 September 2013 9:00 am

Faberge

The Spectator 21 September 2013 9:00 am

carpet

The Spectator 21 September 2013 9:00 am

sales

The Spectator 21 September 2013 9:00 am

‘Sorry, we’re not taking on any slaves at the moment.’

Slaves

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘The economic outlook just gets better and better.’

Outlook

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘Which is the correct remote for watching Downton Abbey?’

Remote

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘I must say, I preferred 50 Shades of Grey.’

Bondage

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

Snow White and the seven trolls

Trolls

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘It’s OK for you but I’ve got nine life sentences to serve.’

Sentences

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

Soup

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

Dummies

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

Cuts

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘I had a problem with the ending. It doesn’t come quickly enough.’

Ending

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘But we only have three rabbits. Do we really need a gamekeeper?’

Gamekeeper

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘Miss Harkness, remind me, at our last board meeting who scratched my back?’

Scratch

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

Rake

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘…and to my wife I leave my entire jazz collection.’

Solicitors

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘Monday’s no good, I’ve got Sex Addicts Anonymous, Tuesday it’s my AA meeting, Thursday’s Gamblers Anonymous and Friday’s Narcotics Anonymous. You know, sometimes I think I might have an addictive personality.’

Calendar

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘Arrrgghh! Good light stops play!’

Vampires

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

‘The old duffer needs cue cards for everything!’

Moses

The Spectator 14 September 2013 9:00 am

huff

The Spectator 7 September 2013 9:00 am

‘Look at that — smooth as a prime minister’s chest.’

Babies

The Spectator 31 August 2013 9:00 am

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